The below is in response to Scott Baio’s Wife tweeting fiasco. See huffingtonpost.com
The Philosophical…
Racism...what is it exactly? Some say it is everything and its nothing (rolling my eyes @ the nothing portion). I completely disagree; I think it is actually something quite concrete, indefinable at times, but present nonetheless. The dictionary defines it as:
1. prejudice or animosity against people who belong to other races
2. the belief that people of different races have different qualities and abilities, and that some races are inherently superior or inferior. See Encarta® World English Dictionary © 1999 Microsoft Corporation.
I think the definition fails to capture the effect the comments have on the listener, and how deeply entrenched, in the minds of Americans, are the conceptions left over from the institution of slavery.
But, what is it exactly?... that feeling you get when you hear it, even from a friend. What is it about certain words directed at a person of color that causes that person to recoil, while the white speaker is "completely oblivious" to the level of fury/pain he or she has ignited in the listener. For those that don't know, when a black person hears racist comments, particularly those directed at them, the person relives every moment where their existence was devalued and they were deemed inferior. Every time I am followed in a store, refused help by customer service, or praised for my “articulacy,” or asked to “entertain,” I always remember that moment. That moment. Where I was called a black monkey as a child, and told to return back to my country. It. Infuriates. Me. To this day.
My theory is that the reach of white supremacy racism does not stop at persons of color, but white people as well. Considering America's history, racially charged commentary from well-intentioned white people, I think, is a result of social conditioning. This amalgam, vague thing that is white privilege is not necessarily something white people have been required to acknowledge. And, the lack of acknowledgement, or more clearly put, lack of understanding of racial politics/ethos leads to vomiting out offensive commentary, without considering what effect it will have on the listener. Further, this insensitivity is not limited to racial discourse; I think it is present in sexist and homophobic commentary as well.
Are all white people racist? No, however assuming that your one black friend means that you will never, or could not possibly offend a black person with racially charged language, is ridiculous. You are not validated by that fact, more specifically, the utterance of I have a black friend, completely diminishes the listeners experience as a person of color. Perhaps that is why that comment so infuriates people. Phrases like, "entertain me," "you people," etc., uttered to a person of color in AMERICA is insinuating something derogatory to and about the listener.
You may not intend it, however somewhere through your life experience that seed was planted without your knowledge.
You have now been warned. If this situation arises, and the person addresses your comment, simply apologize and state that's not how you meant it. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT, go into a tirade about the number of black friends you have. In fact the more coolly and thoughtfully you respond, the more inclined the listener will be to have an earnest discussion about race.
The Practical…
The race conversation, in my opinion, makes some people uncomfortable, white and black. For white people, there may exist thought of, "if I misspeak, I maybe looked at as a racist." For the black person it may be, "I am not trying to be anyone's case study, nor do I feel like having this battle again." But for both parties, running from the conversation does not lead and will not lead to a “Post Racial America” (LOL, the phrase makes me laugh, its level of bull-shittedness is unbelievable).
Do I have a resolution? Um… Just talk. I mean seriously, if you cannot tell your friend that her comment would be read as racist by someone who did not know her, then you are not ready to have diverse friends. It is YOUR JOB to make sure she does not insult your black friends. Know your role, play your part. Same for the white person, if you cannot engage in an honest discussion about YOUR comment, do not befriend black people. Done & done.
I actually recently had an experience with a co-worker (white) asked around for some lotion and then got to me. Of course, I handed him lotion not thinking of it and i hear, "Oh bless you, see black people always carry lotion." Naturally you have to look up with a side eye and really assess the situation. Like, did he really just say that? And in his defense "all the black people he hangs out with," which essentially meant his previous co-workers, always had lotion. That doesn't negate the fact that you made a mildly stereotypical/racial remark. Period. And I had to check him on that. I wasn't rude, but let him know that if that is how he truly thinks, he needs to keep comments like that to himself. You mess around and say that to someone who is easily offended, it's a done deal. Point is, we are always going to come across some form of blatant/subconscious battle with racism. It's not right, it's not fair, but it is what it is. Talking about it to those who are open-minded is great. But what about those who are just that dead set in their ways?
ReplyDeleteThere is really nothing you can do about those people. The most you can do is attempt to educate, but if the person is not receptive, let them walk around in ignorance. The goal is to have the discussion with open-minded folks in the hopes that they will check their fellow white person if a situation comes up again. However, I may be idealistic in assuming that your white friend would hold their white friends accountable, but who really knows?
ReplyDelete